Lordy You Ain't Gonna Believe It

2006-08-28

I just cain't believe the way this day went. Along about 5 o'clock this morning, there was just the most awfulest racket a-goin' on outside. You could hear somebody a-whoopin' and a-hollerin', hollerin' and a-whoopin'. How's a delicate flower of womanhood supposed to get her beauty sleep with that kind of thing goin' on?

Wouldn't you know it, though, wasn't long until I heard somebody holler, "Opal Rose!" and of course, that's when I knew what was happenin'. After all, haints don't yell your name like that, and neither does javelinas and robbers and such. Leastwise, they don't to me, though my sister Ruby says... Well, that's another story that'll have to wait.

I didn't want to wake our watch dog, Jake, so I climbed through the winda sill and stood there on the porch jest like a newborn baby.

You know what I mean, don't ya?

Well, let's jest say there was a full moon in Arizona this mornin'.

Lookin' outside in the yard, there was my very own sister and her man, a steppin' and a fetchin' all over the yard. Pearl Rose yelled for me to bring a frying pan out to help her. I guess Rocky had gotten loose from his handcuffs again. I keep tellin' her to tighten them things up proper-like, but you know Pearl Rose. She always did coddle her men somethin' awful.

'Course bein' the lovin' sister that I am, I high-tailed it out there into the yard and did my part to help corral that rascal Rocky. I thought about grabbin' the bullwhip, but we didn't need it. Once we both got ahold of him, he came right along. He don't weigh more'n a mite, so we was easy able to drag him back in. He was a whinin' a little about bein' dragged over that cactus patch, and I s'pose that might be a little uncomfortable, allowin' where the pricklers got him, what with no britches on and all. All in all, though, it wasn't long until he was back where he belonged.

Once he was all settled in, jest a sobbin' and cryin' in his gratefulness, I went on back to my bed and laid myself down next to Jasper. I'm sure glad my man ain't tryin' to run away no more. He's got himself a bum leg and it didn't take him long to figger out he cain't outrun me.

After all the stuff with Rocky, though, I gotta tell you, Pearl Rose told him she was getting' purdy fed up and ready to sell his family jewels, like she did her ex-husband Greg's.

Yesterday - Tomorrow