Stuck At Home

Sept. 22, 2006

My danged lazee-as-holy-heck sister was s'posed to update here eons ago. But like she always does, she puts it of until I get so tired and fed up I do it my own self.

Now, jest so's you know, my sister and I don't always see eye-to-eye, and not jest because she's a dainty little thing at 4 feet 11 inches and only 190 pounds, and I'm three whole inches taller and a little bigger around. How-some-ever, we're still family and I'm not a-gonna say too much bad about her when she's busy and gettin' things done.

But I have to tell you, I ain't a-likin' the fact that she left me here alone to look after Rocky. I got my Jasper to keep in line, after all, and I don't need no purdy boy on the side, even if'n it ain't that side of me he's a-seein'.

See, Pearl Rose wasn't a-gonna say nothin' about it, but she ain't here now and I'm gonna put down all about the burr that's jest up and stuck itself right there in our butts.

Our OTHER sister, Ruby Rose, she's one of those hoity-toity things that thinks she's better than the rest of us. Which is a whole lotta hog slop. She up and married her a real, honest-to-goodness bizinessman, owned his own used-car lot. Now, we don't begrudge her of that, on account of we'd like our menfolk to take care of us, too.

Well, leastways I would. And old Jasper, he's gettin' there, bless his toothless little mouth.

Anyways, Ruby Rose was okay enough with the whole biziness thing, but then he went and did somethin' truly awful. He bought her a brand-new dubble-wide trailer and moved them into this high-fallutin' park up in Redneck Falls, somewhere up north close to Canaday or somethin'.

And ever since she got her dubble-wide, there jest ain't no livin' with Ruby Rose.

Matter of fact, Ruby Rose's husbind decided the same thing, 'cuz he up and left her about six months later. But danged if that Ruby Rose didn't marry herself agin, only this time she married some poly-tishin!

Lordy, you never heard the like. You'd think she up and married to the prezident or somethin! Her husbind works at the feed store and he's just a part-time poly-tishin, but still. He's on the farmerses committey, and they talk right directly to the mayer. She sez to me, "Imagine that!"

Well, I'm imaginin' it and it ain't too impressive to me. I talk to the mayer here, too. Ol' Mayer Freddy, he's a nice enough sort 'cept on the weekends when he sleeps it off in the drunk tank at the county jale. Only difference is I ain't on no committey.

Now tonight with Pearl Rose out gallavantin' around, I'm the one who's gotta listen to Ruby Rose on the phone, bellyachin' all about how hard it is to keep her big ol' dubble-wide purdy so's to be a good eggsample to the folks there in north-up-whatever. 'Course, she has to mention how it's not about the money, since her husbind makes nigh on eight dollars an hour at the feed store, and how she's all into the ladys so-sigh-itty and all.

I'm a-tellin' you, I'd do just about ANYTHING to get me my own dubble-wide trailer one of these days. I'm gonna do it, too, you jest wait 'n see. But Pearl Rose, she told me she's got an ideer. I heard her a-grumblin somethin about jewels or about her ex-husbind or somethin'. From anybody else I'd say they was talkin' crazy-like, but I know Pearl Rose. She's got somethin' cookin in that brain of hers and when it bubbles out, it's a-gonna be worth waitin' for!

Yesterday - Tomorrow